Don't drink the water.

I knew eventually it would happen. Someone would say something that would make me want to scream. Now, I know it's not their fault they don't know everything I have been through in the past couple months. But what am I supposed to do besides stand here and smile? Everyday it is like pretending everything is okay and how I am fine with it all. How am I supposed to be okay with struggling for infertility for over 6 years, having a miscarriage, and having both of my ovaries removed? How is it not that bad to some people. Especially the ones who have children. How is you having arthritis worse than everything I've gone through? It all just keeps piling up. I am sick of being belittled about what happened. Yes, I get at least it wasn't cancerous, but really that's the least of my worries when all I can ever think about is never having my own children. I am bitter and the feeling sucks sometimes. Sometimes there is comfort in it, though. I just don't get how people that shouldn't have children can and others can't. I often find myself wondering what I did to deserve all this crap. I can't stand that saying 'Everything happens for a reason.' Well if there is a reason for this all. Someone please tell me.

Oh Friday. The update on life edition...

Wow, how life has changed in the past 3 weeks.
6/16- Thursday:
 It started with going to the Dr. for the possibility of gall stones. That appointment ended with an ultrasound that changed my life. Ultrasound techs should never be allowed to leave a room and tell you to wait. They found something and I was sent home with an appointment for a CT Scan and no answers. That night involved severe pain and an ER visit with a CT Scan. I finally got some kind of answer, a massive growth on my ovary and the possibility of cancer.
6/20-Monday:
 I went for another appointment with my regular Dr. I had some more bloodwork done and found out the growth they saw was about 30 cm (11.81in). I was then set up an appointment with a surgeon for 6/21.
6/21-Tuesday:
 This appointment changed everything. He said they would be removing that ovary through laparoscopic surgery on 6/23 and after they removed it pathology would determine if it was cancerous or not.
6/23-Thursday:
 I was a nervous wreck. I don't think anything can prepare you for surgery. I had never had to deal with that and I would never want to again. I went in at 845 am surgery was set for 1030 am. We were told it would last about 45 mins. I said my goodbye to my husband and his mom and they wheeled me off. The anesthesia is crazy and puts you to sleep so fast. When I awoke in the recovery room I knew something was wrong. I was hurting way more than I ever imagined and everyone was acting so weird. I finally got to go to my room and the clock said 245pm. I asked my husband if he knew what happened and he said no. So there I am laying knowing he is lying and I don't want to freak out so I just wait. His mom leaves to get a drink and he looks over and says "Okay, I need to tell you something. They had to remove both ovaries. It was bad." All I could say was okay.
6/24-Friday:
 My surgeon came to talk to us. I had numerous cysts the two biggest were the sizes of a football and a basketball. I still have my uterus in case we choose to use someone's egg with my husbands sperm. But honestly I can't even figure out how I think about that. Adoption is also an option.Everything miraculously turned out not to be cancerous. Although I was waiting for it to be because everything just seemed to be getting worse and worse.

  So after an incision that hurts like hell going up my stomach, the loss of my ovaries and all possibilities of having biological children, and removal of 42 staples I am completely numb. The sadness comes in heavy waves. I am sad for the many things in life we will not be able to experience the ways we wanted to. I am sad that not only we don't get that but our families don't either. It comes when I see the look on a friends face that they feel sad for me. Through all this we have seen the selflessness from others. Nothing from this time will be forgotten. We will never be able to thank anyone enough for their selfless acts of kindness.
 Well thank you for reading my story. Bed is calling my name for I decided to go back to work tomorrow. I cannot stand being stuck in the house anymore.

Friday Night Leftovers (I Haven't Blogged in Forever Edition)

Finally it's Friday!!

• Obviously, I feel like it's been a long week. I am on day 5 of working 6 straight days. The joys of working somewhere where there are only 3 people. 
• I actually love my job though, how often does that happen.
• I bake dog treats. It's really fun.
• My last post was in August. I am really going to try to keep up with this from now on. 
• I've changed my blogs name. I love it now.
• I have a new blog design courtesy of: http://moozoodesigns.com/ She's pretty awesome!! 
• Things have been so out of sorts lately. But I' need to dedicate an actual post to that. 
• Three of my dogs have kennels now. It's been the best thing. 
• Worst part of that is when we leave the house two of them bark really high pitched like they're screaming. 
• I wish the rain would stay away and it would just be sunny and warm. I could also do without the humidity. Thank you. 
• What do you do when you don't agree with a friends choices? Really bad choices. I think it;s at the point where the friendship is done. 
• We threw a surprise party for a friend last Saturday. She's still surprised. 

And with that head on over to Danifred for the rest of Friday Night Leftovers.