Friday Night Leftovers (I Haven't Blogged in Forever Edition)

Finally it's Friday!!

• Obviously, I feel like it's been a long week. I am on day 5 of working 6 straight days. The joys of working somewhere where there are only 3 people. 
• I actually love my job though, how often does that happen.
• I bake dog treats. It's really fun.
• My last post was in August. I am really going to try to keep up with this from now on. 
• I've changed my blogs name. I love it now.
• I have a new blog design courtesy of: http://moozoodesigns.com/ She's pretty awesome!! 
• Things have been so out of sorts lately. But I' need to dedicate an actual post to that. 
• Three of my dogs have kennels now. It's been the best thing. 
• Worst part of that is when we leave the house two of them bark really high pitched like they're screaming. 
• I wish the rain would stay away and it would just be sunny and warm. I could also do without the humidity. Thank you. 
• What do you do when you don't agree with a friends choices? Really bad choices. I think it;s at the point where the friendship is done. 
• We threw a surprise party for a friend last Saturday. She's still surprised. 

And with that head on over to Danifred for the rest of Friday Night Leftovers. 

Friday Night Leftovers

• This week went by way too fast and I feel like I didn't get everything done I wanted to. I realy need to find the motivation to organize our room and office more. One day I'll find it.
• I went swimming today at the gym. The outside pool was freezing. I bet that thing was 60 degrees. I had to swim inside in the heated one. I just wanted a couple more swims outside before fall got here. I am sure my skin will appreciate it later though.
• My friend Tina and I were talking today, we both have had such a bad year with friends. We have both been in situations where that other person was just not a good friend to us. It has made us grow up some and really appreciate the friendships we do have. We both were just so nice and willing to please those people and we never got that back from them. But now that we are done with them we can focus more on the people that matter.
• In less than two months we will be coming up on our 2 year mark. It has gone by so fast. I always think of how differently our lives could be right now, with a year old running around. Then I try to snap myself out of it before I go to far into the dark mess. It's still a very fine line for me.

• I am making spaghetti for dinner, which is my husbands' favorite meal. I need to mention that I absolutely despise eating spaghetti. He is so incredibly picky. So everything we eat is his way because I refuse to make 2 meals. And it wouldn't really be fair to make him prepare his own meal after working all day when I can do it myself since I stay home.  

Have a great weekend everyone. 

Texas

 We left Thursday morning. We is my Dad, his wife, her mom, my sister, niece, and me. My five day weekend included swimming in the most amazing salt water pool ever, eating delicious BBQ food, having a few beers, and shopping. 

 It was so good to see my family. My Grandma who is so warm and inviting. I just loved being able to spend more time getting to know her. Cousins who I haven't seen since I was probably 7. We celebrated my Aunt getting married. He is so wonderful and treats her very well. 

 Monday it was time to get back to reality and I can tell you there is nothing like walking in your front door and being greeted by the four most precious dogs in the world. I of coursed missed the hub, who I never (and I mean NEVER!!) want to be away from that long again.  It's good to get away but coming back home is definitely the best part!

Motivation and Extra Fluff.

I need some serious motivation. Losing weight is like my top goal for myself. I am hoping that losing all of this extra fluffiness will help us conceive. I know the goal and I know what the outcome is something I want more than anything. Yet I can't motivate myself to do it. Anyone out there have any tips? I need to research some sites I am sure there is some kind of support group for motivation somewhere. Right?!?!

Your Little Angel.

I found this poem online at Since my due date was going to be the 23rd of this month I just wanted something that put how I was feeling into words. When I read this I couldn't stop crying. I just can't believe this day came so fast and how different our lives could be at this moment. This day is bittersweet. Our 3rd wedding anniversary is the 24th and every anniversary I will think about our baby.


Your Little Angel

Forever will I love you
You will always be my mom
As I sit with angels I look down at you and point proudly
See . . .See her . . .over there, That's her!

Did you know I could hear your thoughts at night
When you used to lie in bed staring, rubbing your hand on your belly
Looking up at the ceiling in the dark wondering things . . .
Who I would look more like . . .
About how my laugh would sound . . .
My First steps . . .
Books that you would read to me . . ones with pictures . . .
"I like Those!"

The park . . .how you would walk me in a stroller to play on the swings
How about after I ate ice cream the dog excitedly licking my
face almost knocking me down . . .
You just smiled when you read that . . I could see you

Do you know I call you "mommy"?
When you are in the kitchen I pretend I am there also and you can see me
I sit at the table and draw with crayons
I made a picture for the refrigerator
Yellow, blue, red and green
Look its of you and me with a sky and trees
I gave you curly hair . . .

Easter . . .that's my favorite
I always think of you holding my hand taking me to church
One of my socks keeps falling down

Mommy . . .I like the way you kiss my sisters goodnight
on the forehead and tuck them in
I play with them in their dreams
They don't know me but if you ask if they ever
dreamed of playing with a little girl
they would say yes . . .
That's me . . .

Do you remember that bird each early spring
that used to always return and sing
It would have been right around the time of my birthday
That was me to . . .
I would sing "I love you"

I am always along side you . . .
Sometimes you can feel me
A brush against your dress, a breeze on your face . . .
that's when I kiss you

You have always kept me in your mind and heart
Thank you . . .
One day we will be together in heaven and you will cry
and lift me in your arms and I will hug
you so very tight and never let go . . .

But for now I have to . . .

No matter where you go, what you do, I am with you
Always know that I am "Your Little Angel"
I love you mommy . . .

Bye . . .

Struggling through.

We (the hub and me) have been TTC for 3 years last May. A few months before that we had decided that this was it. We were going to put devote ourselves to that little person we wanted so badly. I always knew it was me that had the problem. I always knew it wasn't going to be easy. How did I know? I couldn't explain it. I still can't. I found out in that May I had PCOS. I cried and screamed and have hated it every second.
I was put on Metformin. Those pills were horrible. I hated how I was always sick. Then in August I finished my 1st round of Clomid. I was late but no pregnancy that month. It was my second month September that worked. I found out on October 23rd that I was indeed pregnant. That was absolutely the happiest I had ever been. Just dreaming of what the rest of life would be like and how everything would be surprising.
On October 28, 2008 I started to miscarry. I was exactly 6 weeks pregnant. I will never forget how I felt that entire day. I woke up knowing that it just wasn't the one that was going to stick. I never want to feel that hurt again. But as time goes on I think I become bitter. Bitter towards women/girls who get pregnant without even trying. Who don't even want their babies. Or can't even raise the kid they already have.
So how do I become less bitter? And now the struggle- of finding the courage to work and put myself through all of that again not knowing how it will turn out. How do I do that?
So my question to you that have gone through this what helped you overcome it?
I desperately need advice.

May 13th, 2008

So I had my 2nd doctor appointment this morning. She just talked to me about my bloodwork which was good except I have 2 hormones that are out of balance. And considering that with my other factors she determined that I do in fact have PCOS. Which I was expecting anyways but just to hear that it is definatley that is a little hard. She prescribed me Metformin which is usually prescribed to people that have diabetes. But has recently found that it helps women with PCOS. i will be taking that because of the insulin resistance in my body. Also because it helps get your hormones back in check, will also help me loose weight which is extremely difficult right now because no matter what I do I have zero energy.
Down sides to this medicine is that it'll make me sick and extremely irritable. Which if you ask Jason I don't really need help with that. =) I will be taking 750 mg twice a day. Hopefully I can remember. I go back on August 4th. Hopefully this medicine will help my body to ovulate. Otherwise I will be given Clomid which makes your body ovulate. I am mostly expecting that. And hopefully I will only have to do one round of it. So I am trying to stay optimistic and just take care of myself right now so that when I do get pregnant there will be less complications. i don't want to have a high risk pregnancy and I don't want to put my baby in danger.
So we are hoping that if everything goes well by September I will be pregnant.